Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
