I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
