The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
