First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
