What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
