What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
