The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
