Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize