I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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