My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
