but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
