I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
