He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
50% drunk capacity currently
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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