so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
