Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
this beer tastes like vomit already
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize