hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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