You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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