every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
