Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
