Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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