I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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