YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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