Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
