winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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