Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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