I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
