somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize