I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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