I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
