If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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