I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
