i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
