when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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