Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
