I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
