we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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