My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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