My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
