walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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