I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
