why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
