At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
