Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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