I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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