my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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