I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
