I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
