I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
