My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
