you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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