Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
