I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
