omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
