bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
