My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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