It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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