Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
