Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
