Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
