Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
