Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
