no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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