Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
