But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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