so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
