dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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