I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and she was petting her beer can
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dicks are not precious.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
