ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
