so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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