doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
